Grandfather Accuses Son-in-Law of Cheating, Now Woman Refuses to Name Her Baby After Him

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 10, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Names are incredibly important. They are at the center of our identities and often have familial, cultural, and historical ties that connect us with the world we grow up in. Naming customs and traditions vary by culture and region, but being named after someone is typically a pretty big deal no matter where you are. For example, in Europe, it's pretty common to give the name of a beloved relative or friend as the first or middle name of a baby (ex: baby Lucy Rose is named after Aunt Rose). In other cultures, children are not often named directly after someone; instead, the first letter of a name is used to convey the gesture (ex: baby Josh is named after uncle Jonathan). Some families, such as the one in our story today, have specific naming traditions unique themselves. 

Our protagonist comes from a family who traditionally names the first grandchildren after the grandparents, but unfortunately, the grandfather in this case was not a great role model. After trying to convince OP that her husband will inevitably cheat on her (a crime he committed in his own marriage), Grandpa lost all name privileges. Maybe now they'll name the kid after someone nice like Robin Williams.

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAs u/HistoricalFold92 • 3d AITA for insisting we change our son's name? Not the
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 02
    My wife (24F) and I (28M) had our first baby five months ago. We've been together for 6 years, married for 5. He is a beautiful little boy and we gave him the same first name as my wife's father, 'Keith' My wife grew up hating her father for cheating on her mother and abandoning the family. In the past decade, he worked tirelessly to improve their relationship. In her family, it's typically tradition for the first grandson and granddaughter to be named after their grandparents and my wife was pr
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 03
    However, a few weeks ago, my wife and her father had a MASSIVE argument. Turns out, he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to cheat on my wife. He thinks we got married too young and I'll get bored of her now that she's devoting all her time to our son.
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 04
    He told my wife this after she opened up to him about how worried she was about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. We didn't plan the second pregnancy and a few days after the argument my wife miscarried and it was a painful moment for the both of us. Essentially, he kicked her while she was already down for no reason. I had a friendly relationship with him but I know he wanted my wife to marry someone from her own background.
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 05
    Since the argument, my wife has not been calling our son by his name. She's using nicknames, calling him 'the baby' etc. She said that she needs time to get over the argument with her dad, but she also blames him for the miscarriage which is something I don't think she'll get over. FIL has made no attempts to apologise or reconcile. A month into my wife refusing to use our baby's name, I said that we needed to change it because it'll be better for my wife's mental health and our son's developmen
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 06
    We've started the process now to change the name and somehow it got back to FIL AND he knows that I suggested it. He is infuriated. He said that I was supposed to be the levelheaded one since my wife is post partum and recovering from a miscarriage and that I've just made their rift a million times worse since I've denied him the family tradition. My in laws think I'm an for insisting on the name change since now it'll be even harder for them to reconcile. I don't think I'm an AH but my brother
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 07
    HarveySnake • 3d Pooperintendant [56] You clearly are the level headed one. I'm absolutely shocked that your wife ever agreed to name the kid after her cheating dad in the first place. It doesn't sound like they had a good relationship ever. NTA Reply 2.2k HistoricalFold92 OP 3d Since she was 16, he tried very hard to work on his relationship with her. He was actually amazing to her for the past few years although he's never been a fan of me. 754
    via u/HarveySnake, u/HistoricalFold92
  • 08
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 3d Commander in Cheeks [292] NTA - your FIL is acting like a massively entitled AH though. "However, a few weeks ago, my wife and her father had a MASSIVE argument. Turns out, he is convinced that for some reason, I am going to cheat on my wife. He thinks we got married too young and I'll get bored of her now that she's devoting all her time to our son." FIL is projecting HIS actions onto you.
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 09
    "He told my wife this after she opened up to him about how worried she was about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. We didn't plan the second pregnancy and a few days after the argument my wife miscarried and it was a painful moment for the both of us. Essentially, he kicked her while she was already down for no reason. I had a friendly relationship with him but I know he wanted my wife to marry someone from her own background." "Since the argument, my wife has not been calling our son b
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 10
    "She said that she needs time to get over the argument with her dad, but she also blames him for the miscarriage which is something I don't think she'll get over. FIL has made no attempts to apologise or reconcile." Your wife needs therapy ASAP!!! Her sperm donor's actions were horrible and had to have negatively effected her ability to interact with her son.
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 11
    "We've started the process now to change the name and somehow it got back to FIL AND he knows that I suggested it. He is infuriated. He said that I was supposed to be the levelheaded one since my wife is post partum and recovering from a miscarriage and that I've just made their rift a million times worse since I've denied him the family tradition." Your FIL is making everything about him and not taking any responsibility for his part in the new estrangement. ... Reply 6.3k
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 12
    Willdiealonewithcats • 3d Partassipant [2] I endorse everything in this comment. I agree, he is toxic AF and I don't think it's a coincidence that he is making things about him and trying to actively sabotage good things in her life like hre marriage. This is text book for narcissistic parent stuff. Betrays everyone for cheap thrills, not present long-term because it takes sacrifice, appears out of nowhere with big promises about doing better and then manipulates and tries to isolate targets fro
    via u/Willdiealonewithcats
  • 13
    Also another good reason to change the name, if it is Keith, that's the sound a cat makes when it pukes up a hair ball. That or 'Bob', depends if it's a low glug sound, or if they are really hurling up that hairball with a cough, if it's that high pitched cough, listen, you'll hear it. They clearly say Keith. 1150
    via u/Willdiealonewithcats
  • 14
    arlae • 3d So are you suppose to be the levelheaded one or the future cheater? Which is it FIL can't have both. Cheaters think that everyone cheats Reply 710
    via u/arlae
  • 15
    Honest Cup_5096 • 3d "making everything about him" cheaters always do. That's the root of it. It's all about them, what they want, how they feel, and never about who they hurt. He's not going to apologize. Why would he, when he's convinced he's right? The rest of the family need to know that he damaged your wife and that you are in no way forcing this. You offered it as a suggestion to help your wife and your kid. If they have a problem with that, then maybe they don't need to be such a big part
    via u/Honest Cup_5096
  • 16
    Artistic Tough5005. 3d Professor Emeritass [95] NTA Your son should never feel bad for his name and if your wife can bring herself to use it then it needs to be changed before he is old enough to understand. FIL sounds like a not so great guy so his opinion shouldn't come into play. Reply 324
    via u/Artistic Tough5005
  • 17
    Maximum-Swan-1009 .3d Partassipant [4] Another good reason not to give children family names just because it is tradition. Reply 199 TheFilthyDIL. 3d Partassipant [3] That, and family names tend to be "old people names." I declined to name my children after either my parents or my in-laws because of their old-fashioned names that i found unattractive. Now I see that at least two of their names (Margaret and Henry) are coming back into fashion. 24
    via u/Maximum-Swan-1009, u/TheFilthyDIL
  • 18
    NTA. Gnarly_314 3d It is not fair to your son in the long term to be given a name that reminds your wife of past hurt to the point she finds it hard to say. He needs a different name that can be used easily and lovingly no matter the state of the relationship between your wife and her father. ... ← Reply 303
    via u/Gnarly_314
  • 19
    HistoricalFold92 OP. 3d Timing is suspicious but he's always disliked me so it could be that. We've also been struggling to have a baby for a while so I think FIL expected a grandson from my wife's older brother first 34
    via u/HistoricalFold92
  • 20
    Significant Planter • 3d Are we sure part of the playing nice for the last few years isn't because of the tradition for naming? Like how sure are you that nobody said to him if she ever has a kid she won't name him after you and he started being nice after that? Just curious because it seems kind of crazy that he was nice for years and now all the sudden as soon as he gets his name used for a baby now he's going to have a big blow up fight with her! Timing is suspicious ... Reply 46
    via u/Significant_Planter
  • 21
    mc_hammerandsickle • 3d Partassipant [2] idk, i kinda see where op and his wife are coming from. i was originally named after my cheating parent. but even though the other parent insisted that they had no resentment or animosity towards me, i knew they still felt hurt. even though the cheating happened years ago. so i legally changed my name as soon as possible, to a derivative of my uncle's since he was a genuinely good person op is definitely not the TA though 19
    via u/mc_hammerandsickle
  • 22
    MiddlePsychology8385. 3d What was your wife's reaction to the name change? Was she on board? ... ← Reply 12 ♡ HistoricalFold 92 OP 3d She was a bit hesitant when I first brought it up but she slept on and agreed. We've picked a new name and have started the process ← 35
    via u/MiddlePsychology8385, u/HistoricalFold92
  • 23
    Sandman64can • 3d I think that legacy names are a mistake. Every child deserves to develop their character without prior expectations or interference. Nta. Reply û 17 ♡
    via u/Sandman64can
  • 24
    shurker_lurker • 3d your wife has spent a lifetime trying to gain her father's favour and will probably continue to do so BUT she took it too far with naming your son and she realizes it. you should change the name. keeping the name is not going to fix her relationship with her dad because it's not fixable. it's just turmoil and your son deserves a better start to his life. ← Reply 18
    via u/shurker_lurker
  • 25
    EarthWeird8173 • 3d I would absolutely change the baby's name. If he keeps calling to complain I wouldn't take his call. Reply Q7 3 HistoricalFold92 OP 3d ° Lmao he called us about half an hour ago asking if we were still 'being ridiculous! My wife told him she was and then she hung up ... ← 17
    via u/HistoricalFold92, u/EarthWeird8173
  • 26
    Nomellettedufromage • 3d I always wonder what happens when two families are joined by a marriage, and both families have the same naming traditions. Do the respective grandfathers from each family take the back yard with their golf clubs and whack it out to see who gets to name the kid? NTA in the least. Reply Ŵ7 ♡ Q 8 HistoricalFold92 OP. 3d One of my friends married into a family with the same naming tradition and his parents conceded to his wife's parents because atleast they get the surname
    via u/HistoricalFold92, u/Nomellettedufromage
  • 27
    NeTiFe-anonymous • 3d Partassipant [1] "It will be even harder for them to reconcile" It's not hard, all they need is to show some accontability, to stop messing into your marriage by protecting their own troubles and they own you both a huge apology. Nothing of this is related to how is your son named. And if they never reconcile? "Don't threaten me with a good times" going NC after this would be only beneficial for your wife and her mental health, for your family unit and for your children. Re
    via u/NeTiFe-anonymous

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